An open letter...

Dear Penny,

You have been asking what is God doing with us and I have been putting it off for a couple of reasons. First, I am not sure that it is the Creator or me and second, I do not want to speak for anyone else but I can try to give you my perspective.

My heart is tired of being disappointed by leadership so I might have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and I am trying not to let that influence what I think God is saying. I am also very conflicted about what I think God is doing in the US, in California, in a little town called Oakhurst, and in a fat, bald guy who is at a camp, VERSUS what I see going on with many in the world who are suffering terribly. So when I compare that our number of campers are small, gas is at an all time high and rising, I am gaining weight, etc. I have to weigh that against what is going on to many, many in the world who are starving, malnourished, drinking polluted water, government troops are killing many, if they aren't rebel troops are and many flee their homes and leave behind family and friends who may be dead or missing. It seems that my inconvenience is being perceived as life threatening, which it is not by any stretch of the imagination.

But what I am hearing God say to me is about me returning to the first love, relight the fire, only this time with truth and not emotions. Allow the truth to set me free instead of being on the rollercoaster of feelings and conflicts. I asked what does that mean, to relight the fire of truth and I was led to study Genesis and begin there. I began to ask myself, do I believe what it says in just the first verse, that God created the heavens and the earth? I think I do but then I am asking what would my life look like if I truly believe that it is about what God had intended rather than what I want it to be.

Do I give things time for the Spirit of God to hover over and begin to see things in the spirit as well as in the rational mind? It is hard to wait for the Spirit to finish hovering before I take over and rationally get 'er done. I pray for God's blessing instead of waiting for instruction. When God begins to speak am I listening for The Voice or listening to fear's loud voice?

Do I watch with eyes of the Craftsman who sees that it is good-measuring against the intention? Do I let The Voice define what is good or am I more concerned about people with influence and intimidation or do I play it safe so I don't lose my job or standing in the community? I know this should be how we do everything but I have a sense that I need to go back and check the foundation before I concern myself with the ascetics of how it looks.

I tend to follow cultural shifts instead of being a steward of that which God has give me responsibility. I can be concerned with the environment if it is prudent or I can be responsible because I called to be a steward. I tend to get wrapped up in being caring about the poor and oppressed because there are some cool graphics or bracelets instead of hear God say that "...it is not good for man to be alone..." and that I become a friend to those who do not have one while being a steward of the Kingdom.

I have been given instructions and freedom to choose what I consume from a bounty of trees in the garden, yet I end up eyeing and rationalizing my way into a stomach full of consequences of a life that is outside of the beautiful place that God created for me. I tend to then complain that a loving God wouldn't give me the consequence of my choices instead of taking full responsibility and then looking to pay for my choice. My choices are what I think is best for me aside from what The Creator planned for me. It wasn't the fruit that caused my eyes to be open it was looking to places that weren't intended for me to gaze. I became intimate with the outsider, and ended up moving into his neighborhood.

I think what God is telling me and showing me is really what is going on in my life...

Hope this makes sense.