Matthew,
I wanted to blog the response to your email, not to expose you but to answer a question I get asked quite often.
I don't think that it is your faith that is falling apart but that it is not made of the kind of substance that can hold much weight. Let me explain...
In sunday school, the institution gave very easy answers to very complex issues. It is easier to teach that "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so..." with a simple to tune, than to debate the kind of semantic arguments that you present today.
Your mind is not satisfied with Jesus loves you because the story tells you that he does. You are trying to figure out all of the other stuff that, are trivial compared to his love. You test this love, just like you did with your parents. Did you ask your mom why she loved you in her imperfection? Did you ever see her or your father's wrath. Did the love dissolve because you were being punished for your stubbornness. Love wants more than mediocrity.
The questions you are asking are not the ones you should be asking. Those are puny questions and have been asked around college dorms and pubs for centuries.
Go big. Ask:
why do men keep women subjective?
why do men believe it is alright to own another human being?
why do we continually slaughter those who are weaker than they are?
why do we pollute the very air and water that we need to keep us alive?
why do we not care if people are dying to get to this country to earn a minimum wage so that their family can live a little bit better?
why do we allow such hatred against a group of people because of their skin color or country of origin?
why do those who confess to believe in God not care about those whom God loves?
What difference does it make if it is allegory or history, we don't want to believe it to be true or that the reality of love can make a difference in this world of pain and suffering. We want to be the controllers, the conquerors, the predator, the one in power. We find humility an act of weakness. We set our eyes on useless people and give them honor, emulation, and envy because their bone structure is pleasing to the eye or arouses our lusts. Why do I even know Paris Hilton's name?
Is the devil real or does it have influence over us? That is not the question. The question is do I want to be more than just reacting to my hormones, sugar levels, lusts, thought impulses, etc.? Do I want to develop the spiritual life that transform the mechanics of my self. Or do I want to put the blame on someone or something else. I believe evil is real, but I don't want to give it any part of my life or thoughts.
The question is: Do I take communion and believe it to be a symbol of a symbol of a symbol of being the body, mind and heart of Christ or am I consuming, participating in, digesting, and then behaving in the same way that we know Jesus to be acting in this world of suffering and deep pain?
Your questions can not be answered in you mind, it has to be answered by the way you live.
ASK BIG QUESTIONS! LIVE BIGGER ANSWERS!!!!!!
4 comments:
Those questions are the type to wrestle with, answer, doubt, re-answer, and each time you get a new perspective on who God is and who you are. I hope I never stop asking.
I like this.
why do I profess to care about the needy thousands of miles away and call myself a man of faith, but I think it is okay to turn my back on and betray one who called me friend in her time of need?
Dear Anonymous
I am sorry to not have cared for you. I am convicted that I have betrayed and not cared for so many that I am at a loss to know which one you are.
I hope you let me know who you are so I can make amends.
Tony
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