Hillary is graduating...

For some who have walked with me for the past 14 years, you will remember this little-little who hung around with Josh Harrison and sat on Christel's and my lap, I just wanted to show you how much she has grown and how beautiful she is. She is graduating from Yosemite High School in a few weeks.

The picture was taken a on Mother's Day when Christel, Hillary, her friend Dustin, and I went water skiing on Taylor and her husband, David's boat.

Time flies...

The Valley can be beautiful...

For two weeks of the year I think this is one of the most beautiful areas I know...

People's opinion...

I read that more people voted for two amateur "American Idols" than in the last presidential election.

If people care more about these two amateurs than who runs the country, I definitely do not believe in these polls about people who are running the country and other things. I think most people's opinions are geared more towards amateur talent contests than in complicated issues. This does not make me proBush or antiBush, just wary of people with opinions.

There is a redeemer...

Lately, I have been listening to some of Keith Green's music. One that his wife, Melody, wrote, There is a Redeemer, is continually playing in my head and on my iPod which perpetuates it playing in my head.

But wait.

I don't think it is playing in my head, but in my spirit.

iChat with Si and Natasha

Tonight Christel and I had a chat with Simon and Natasha on iChat. I remember watching a Science Fiction movie when I was a kid that showed parents talking to their son on a different planet using video communications. Now I am able to talk to my son and his wife in Napa.

Not quite Mars but some day...

Cover albums...

I was having lunch with a friend at a local restaurant, when I found myself getting agitated. I couldn't figure out what was agitating me. It was a great conversation with a good friend, telling good stories about good things. No reason to be upset. But I was. Then it hit me... The music. What is it that I am listening to?

Rod Stewart singing the ballads. Rod Stewart the rocker is singing Frank Sinatra songs. Nothing wrong with the songs, nothing wrong with Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett or even Michael Bublé. But Rod Stewart who use to sing pretty intense rock songs is now singing respectable popular songs.

I was wondering, if Keith Green or Rich Mullins were still alive today, what would they be singing...

Brokenness...

Brokenness can sometimes be arrogant.

A perfect world...

Met with Scott Falk, this morning. It is like taking the Montero in for a tune-up. It drives better afterwards and I feel more secure.

Midlife crisis No. 1,432...

I am aware of my age a lot these days. Kind of like when I was 20. I realize what I can and can't do. Decisions are made because of hormones more than reason (only now it is a hormone deficit).

Fears crop up and wake me from a C-Pap sleep.

My complexion is an issue, only instead of pimples it is age and sun spots. I never used sunblock as a kid, heck there was no such thing. My mom would tell me to go out and get some sun..., "it's good for you!" As a hippie, I rarely wore a swimsuit less alone sunscreen. (Sorry, too much information)

The worse thing that I find myself doing now is (are you ready for this?) trying to be respectable. I found myself trying to fit in to the crowd again. I started worrying about how I looked, what people were thinking about me, would I be considered for the executive director position, was I good enough to be considered? I found myself becoming domesticated. Trying to be safe, not disruptive. Become appealing to the masses. Maybe a comb-over would help. Brush in some hair die to cover the gray. Wear a girdle to cover the love of pasta.

I even took my earring out. (I am putting it back in tomorrow...)

I started caring more for the position than the call. This Kingdom life is not about position, Jesus speaks against it. I knew that. What makes me care about this except fear to be someone

I started worrying about which side of the aisle I would be invited to sit. Was I getting too liberal, too conservative? Republican or Democrat, Elder or congregant, 4H club or Von's Club...

What the heck is going on, Tony? What are you doing to yourself? This is frickin' messing up my life.

My faith is turning into religion. My prayers are "help me, keep me, give me, let me, ...me, ...me...

I gotta wake up, shut up, get up, make up, give up, and die to myself and join the Kingdom revolution.

I didn't get this position because I could do it, but because I was faithful (paying attention).

I haven't been faithful, lately.

Thanks for listening...

A little about me...

To quote Ed Bloom from the movie, "Big Fish": "Truth is, I've always been thirsty."

Inspiration...

This is the time of year that I need inspiration. Not just an energy boost but I need to be inspired to know what is it that the summer will need to bring to the couple of thousand people coming to camp. 80+ staff people are coming expecting to grow in their faith and experience the community of faith. I need to listen to the Small Voice speak. Get away for a while to listen is important.

I may be going to the Spiritual Formation Forum in Long Beach this week, if time permits. I am sure that will touch my soul but will it inspire me? Sometimes I get more inspired being in "non-religious" settings and conversations. It seems like there is a jump from my spirit to my mind when I am in "secular" places and conversations. The reason I used the quotations marks is because I am not sure I believe they are not spiritual places even though they are outside of places that my religious friends would consider places where we find God and these words don't mean what we think they mean.

I like being with people who talk about their jobs as if it was ministry. And it is more than some of the "ordained" places my christian friends are employed. My friend Jordan works for an Apple store in Pasadena. My spirit comes alive when he talks about his "work." I was touched deeply when Jordan understood who I was when he bought me a subscription to Communication Arts magazine because he knew I would find inspiration in its pages. He knew.

I love hanging out with dear friends like Dan, Scott, Cosbys, Piñas, Michelle, CommonFire, Bill Dodge, Rudy, Sherry, George, Rich, Jamie, Mom and Dad, Ryan and Nellie, Enrique, Marc, and many others. I use to go visit a friend, I haven't seen in a long time, Frank Arnold. Frank was a sign painter in Fresno. He started painting signs by hand on his kitchen table. Then he started a company employing many people. It wasn't his success that inspired me, it was his heart and attitude. He used materials no one else was using for designing and creating signs and interiors. His use of colors were bold and innovative. The time with him brought out my soul. It wasn't his product, it was his thinking. Sherry and Jamie inspires me because these women are doing what we all talk just about. I see in their eyes what I want to see in the dust on my feet. Scott's intelligence and simplicity motivates and encourages. The men and women at Calvin Crest who faithfully show up inspite of change and confusion bring hope.

A sharp pencil and a piece of butcher paper bring out ideas for me. The feel of the pencil on the toothiness of the paper tactilely bring out my thoughts and it seems to add a little of its own.

What or who inspires you?