I have found my expectations for what my future should be is causing much grief. Because of what I have done and given, I think there should be something there for me from others. "I deserve..." is in between the lines of most of my thinking today. And I feel God is wanting me to grow up. I am watching the immaturity of some people and realizing that I am still immature in many of my thoughts. What I do deserve, is condemnation for thoughts, imaginations, words, and deeds. I don't have a place that I carved out that gives me rights, I have an opportunity given for a season to do that which God would speak, direct, and resource.
My fear of friends leaving in the future is overshadowing the joy of living for the moment and doing the things God is calling me to do NOW. To be mindful that a season begins and ends with a blowing of the wind instead of rights and demands caused by my actions. I am privileged to be here today doing what I get to do with the people that God has resourced. The rest will have to take care of itself. If people leave, I have seen great people take great people's place. I have more room for more friends who will never take the love I have for others but will enjoy the season that will open up because they are now influencing my life.
3 comments:
I so get this... it takes alot of "laying down of the self"... ugh!
I think you have more good friends than almost anyone I know. You've earned them, too.
Thank you for coming to spend a little time with our congregation in Turlock. It was great to see you and hear news from your life and from the mountain. I'd have stuck around longer, but I'd gone to a concert with Jared W the night before and was working on just a couple hours sleep.
Blessings to you and yours.
We serve a gracious God who loves to fill us in our weaknesses! I love that he has used you and Christel to bless me in my own struggles.
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