I am taking off tomorrow, 4 February, to Boulder, Colorado, then Friday to Seattle, Saturday to Spokane, Washington until Wednesday 11 February. First time to Boulder, hopefully develop new friendships with pastors and baristar of the bean.
I don't like to fly, not because of terrorist but airline attendants. I have a fear of anyone who has to walk down narrow aisles and has to deal with everyone. I try to strike up a conversation but I fumble, fear. I am not my usual self. I am not trying to flirt, not at all, but I am trying to have a friend established in case we go down on a deserted island. Now I know there are no deserted islands between Fresno, California and Denver but a strong wind could knock us off course. Anyway I think I freak is because they HAVE to be nice to me. I am just like everyone else to them. I resent that!!! I have a hard time fitting in and anyone who has to treat everyone the same doesn't get to know the real me. To them I am the same as the rude guy in front of me that puts his seat back and I have to see the top of his head for the whole trip. Or the rude woman who is on Atkins and ask if there is jerky available. I am not demanding, I am a nice guy.
I never know what to wear... should I be casual, formal (I know that Chuck Colson was ranting once in his CT column that no one gets dressed up on airplanes anymore and for that very reason I go casual). I think maybe dress with survival in mind, I don't know. In case something happens I want to look prepared. But I don't want to stand out as a nerd. Lot of pressure. I was asked to take off the inflatible vest once because it was scaring the other passengers.
I don't know what to read... a novel, a magazine, my Bible, a Chuck Colson book? I like music... but do I listen to soothing and relaxing environmental sounds or good ole rock n roll, classical or country, comedy or audio books? If I put on headphones I don't want the flight attendant to think that I am not interested in conversations. Plus it will give me headphone hair.
Aisle seat or window? I cannot do the middle seat. I once was stuck between two 300+ pounders on a trip to Oklahoma and the plane got stuck on the runway for over an hour. I practiced laMaze breathing the entire time I was wedged in there. I felt like a cheap pair of underwear.
Should I carry on my luggage or check it in? I don't trust them. They might steal my dandruff shampoo or lose one of my socks. I don't want to wait in the airport any longer than I have to. But which is best. I try to carry on but when I stow it (that is a nautical term) above I always hit the woman in the head as I am in the process of stowation. She gets extra nuts and I get scorned by all the passengers. When it comes time to deplaning no one lets me in. I have my signal on but no one will yield to the man who knocked out the maternal passenger.
When you think about that you are seatbelted in a chair, bolted to the floor with nothing but 35,000 feet of air and pigeons below you, it can really mess with your mind. Everyone else is calm, why can't I be. I am afraid to use the lavatory because with my luck we are going down while my pants are down around my ankles.
Well, pray for me... or maybe the others in the plane.
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